Woman shuts down pushy gym regular after he repeatedly interrupts her workouts, making it clear she’s there for sport, not for social interaction: ‘Someone’s need for connection doesn’t override my need to have a good workout’

Being a guy means you rarely have to deal with random men trying to chat you up at the gym, let alone flirt. At worst, you get the occasional nod or a quick question about the squat rack. Most men will never know the uniquely exhausting experience of just wanting to zone out with giant headphones blasting, face flushed, sweat everywhere, and still being cast as the unwilling lead in some stranger's imaginary meet-cute.

Author image for Etai Eshet Etai Eshet
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  • AITA for shutting someone down when they tried to talk to me at the gym?

    "Look man, I don't want to do this. I'm here to work out, I'm not here to make friends"
    via milanvirijevic

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • You see all sorts of guys who apparently think the moment someone takes out their headphones, it’s an invitation to unleash a monologue about their gym routine, drop a cheesy fist bump, or hover around like they’re the world’s most persistent motivational speaker. The logic seems to be that women only come to the gym to be rescued from their focus by a mediocre conversation about protein powder, or to endure a man interrupting mid-leg lift to force some “connection.”

    It’s wild to imagine what it must be like, trying to get through your sets only to have every sweaty break threatened by a stranger who thinks social boundaries are suggestions. It’s not about anyone being unfriendly, just about trying to have a workout without being cast as an extra in some guy’s bad romantic comedy. And the amount of emotional labor it must take, day after day, to politely dodge each new “friendly” interruption is something most men frankly never have to think about.

  • So, for context, I (F32) don't talk to anyone at my gym outside of saying hi and bye to the people who work there, and having polite etiquette when asking someone if they're using
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • something/saying thank you when they're done. This is partially for efficiency, but mostly because I go to the gym stoned AF and I'm in my zone and I don't want to talk to anyone.
    via iamplayingfavorites
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    via cristiannegroni

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • Last week, after my work out, I walked over to the food carts by my gym to pick up tacos. While I was there, some guy (M40+) stopped me and said he went to the same gym. I had never
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • noticed him before but he like insisted on walking with me and was talking to me. I was kind of annoyed ― just because you see me on the street with my
    via iamplayingfavorites

  • Who doesn't like small talk while trying to catch a breath?!

    IN
    via Jacob Lund

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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  • headphones out doesn't mean it's an invitation to talk to me. I made small talk and tried to be polite. Got out as quick as I could.
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • So the other day, when I'm at the gym foam rolling out with my headphones in, this guy just beelines to me while I'm trying to avoid eye contact, and squats
    via iamplayingfavorites

  • So yes, when a woman says she just wants to work out and not make friends, maybe take the hint and let her vibe in peace. The only thing anyone should be chasing at the gym is endorphins.

  • down next to me to say hi and give me a fist bump. I give him a quick heads up acknowledge him but ignore the fist bump. Avoid eye contact the rest of the time I'm there.
    via iamplayingfavorites
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  • And then today, this guy comes into the gym and sees me. I immediately avoid eye contact and he doesn't come up to me,
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • so I think he gets the picture. But then, when I'm doing leg lifts, he comes over and tries to give me a fist bump.
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • So I take out my headphone and I say "Look man, I don't want to do this. I'm here to work out, I'm not here to make friends. I don't want to talk to you, okay." And he
    via iamplayingfavorites
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  • starts to say "I was just saying hi.” And I respond with "Yeah, I get it. Please don't." And put my headphone back in and kept working out.
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • I realize anyone who saw this probably thought I was a giant AH. But, I don't think someone's need for connection overrides my need to have a good workout. So, AITAH?
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • UPDATE: For people saying this would have been different if he was an attractive guy. I stumble and get awkward no matter who it is if the conversation needs to go beyond more than a single question and response. Men, women, children.
    via iamplayingfavorites
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  • This isn't a "want it" or "don't want it" situation as much as it's a "I'm not in a headspace where I can have human conversation."
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • For people saying this is the same type of person who wonders why guys don't ask them out: I keep a little post it note in my gym bag that says "Hi, my name is (name).
    via iamplayingfavorites
  • I think you're cute, but I want to respect your gym time. Text me if you want to get coffee sometime." I've never given it to anyone, but it's there if I ever feel like I need it.
    via iamplayingfavorites
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